Taking Charge: The Power of Self-Responsibility
“This is my life, I understand that only I can change it. If I don’t take charge, my life will be shaped by external forces. I refuse that, I want to choose my path.” Do you know anyone who doesn’t agree with that? How many people do you know who truly live by this principle?
Awareness
The more I trust stories I tell myself without questioning them, the higher chance that I’m not living accordingly. If I want to be responsible for what I am not solely on paper, I’d verify my assumptions against reality before marking anything as “solved”.
Do I realize that no one will come to change my life? Am I truly not waiting to get finally noticed, or to find time to do something, or to stumble across perfect circumstances?
There’s a possibility that some part of me still believes that I can delegate this responsibility. Maybe I’m drawing such conclusions from watching other people.
For instance, I know that my acquaintance A had been working in a company X until the owners ‘suddenly’ offered her to start a business venture that they would invest in. What I see here is just a small piece on the surface of reality. I have no idea about the work that was happening within this person during that time of her life.
Even if I ask, the person may not always be able to convey her experience to me in words. But I wouldn’t ask because deep inside myself I have knowledge that nothing is happening randomly. I may forget this sometimes, and just like that I can recall it.
There’s always a decision made and work behind any positive change. In order to have a possibility of any change, I first need to let go of the illusion that something can happen on its own without my decision.
No one will come and change my life. As long as I think otherwise, I will fall into a victim state every time something goes wrong. To the external world, I will appear as a child, and this will not contribute to improving things either.
Moreover, if I tell myself a different story, I may never see this. I can tell myself that I’m a responsible adult and I manage to take responsibilities when it’s needed.
I may say to myself, “I am responsible for others, so I am definitely responsible for myself!” In fact, there’s no direct correlation. Perhaps I had to take responsibility for someone, but that doesn’t mean I became a mature person. This could be one of the ways of deluding myself.
Self-deception
Such narratives can be dangerous. Not because lying is a bad thing, but because they prevent me from living to the full extent as I distance myself further and further from reality. Those around can unconsciously play into those narratives as well, which may encourage me to proceed with the erroneus way of seeing myself and the world.
Then, after twenty years, ‘suddenly,’ I may find myself as a person who blames everyone for her failures. And that’s if I’m lucky. The worst case is that I’ll never be able to see myself and my life for what they are. If I make an attempt to feel that this a possible scenario, I should be horrified.
So, I would rather take a dozen steps aside and look at myself and how I spend my days. It’s not enough to say, “now I take responsibility,” for everything to ‘fall into place.’ I will need to see everything I’ve lied to myself about as it is.
Do I like what I am now? Do I like the way I treat myself and my loved ones? If not, what’s stopping me from changing that? Do I want to look at these days in 10–20 years and acknowledge that I spent this time exactly like this?
Another self-deception happens when we tell ourselves about what we want. If we can’t differentiate between the nice picture we saw in the window and what would truly make us happy, we might think that the quick euphoria is what we want. If we see other people being also enthusiastic about that picture, it might become an even bigger temptation.
Being able to explore oneself and the world, differentiating euphoria from happiness, staying grounded in reality about our capabilities and desires, while participating in a healthy competition — this is a challenging path, but there’s no true maturity without taking it.
I remember in childhood we had heard the phrase ‘it’s uncomfortable to sleep on the ceiling’ and then constantly repeated it with other kids. Maybe I need to stop sleeping on the ceiling. It is uncomfortable, indeed.
Perhaps, I once chose a difficult path to achieve an image that would never bring me peace and joy? Because no matter how many people are excited about my image on the other side of the window, I always remain with myself as I am.
Life is not endless
Seeing oneself and the world as they are is not easy. And it shouldn’t be. It’s not some special fate of mine. If I feel this complexity, it means I’m on the path of self-development. It doesn’t lead to specific points on the map but to a state where I feel peaceful and joyful.
In order to get closer to that state, I’ll have to ensure that my worldview is the closest to reality. This unlocks a lot of energy that will sponsor me to move forward and change what I dislike.
Besides such advantages as more energy and confidence, more peace and balance, which come along the way, there is one significant reason to do this as soon as possible. The reason to stop lying to myself and take responsibility for my existence, which outweighs all others.
That is the finite nature of my life. Few would argue with that. But do we realize what that means? With every passing minute, we’re closer to the end of our existence. I want to pause for a moment and feel this in all its depth. Because as a human I tend to forget about it. Sometimes, I may even secretly deny it.
Can I use this awareness constructively? Instead of panicking or freezing in horror? If I can’t, then it’s a sign for me to do the work on the awareness of mortality.
Making decisions
If, however, I can look into that darkness and say, ‘Yes, life works this way. It’s finite. But while I’m here, I will use my time to actualize myself.’ That’s already a choice. The very choice that distinguishes life in the present from all other forms of existence.
Right here and now, I’m making the decision to be responsible for my ‘here and now.’ Awareness of my mortality together with the awareness of my ability to choose how to live right now is a tremendous source of energy. It’s that resource that always exists within me and it’s my choice whether to use it or keep telling myself comforting stories.
